


Would You Rather?

by merong63



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-11-21
Packaged: 2021-02-18 14:53:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21512812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merong63/pseuds/merong63
Summary: "we tried to fix something that wasn't even broken"-봉제선 by Dynamic Duo
Relationships: Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	Would You Rather?

It feels like eons ago, the time when you two first met.

_“Come on, sweetheart, just one drink.” Plastered guy asks her for the nth time. Jinsol hears her groan and sees her roll her eyes._

_The girl shoots daggers at the guy’s companion._

_“Come on, dude, let’s go. She’s already said ‘no’ like a hundred times.” The guy’s friend tries to reason._

_But plaster-face is persistent. “Just one drink, babe. Let’s you and me live a little. Then maybe die a little, later.” He gives her a toothy grin. It’s creepy._

_“Oh my God!” the girl exclaims loudly, and it puts a smile (well, more like a smirk) on Jinsol's face._

_This is it. Jinsol knocks back her tequila shot, washes it down with a Corona, and takes a deep breath. She smooths her dress shirt before heading to the girl's table._

_“Hey, you,” Jinsol opens, “I’m sorry I’m late.” She finishes with an even toothier grin than plaster-face’s._

_Jinsol sees the confusion then incredulity flash in her eyes. But to her credit, she schools her face so quickly that it’s as though her momentary expressions never happened. “It’s alright. I’m just glad you’re here now.”_

_She smiles back at Jinsol. She smiles back at Jinsol, so it took the latter quite a while to notice that the two guys at the table with them are now staring at her._

_“Oh, I thought I was gonna have you all to myself tonight.” Jinsol says vaguely as she looks at them, a challenge apparent in her eyes and small smile._

_Thankfully, plaster-face’s friend takes the hint. “Come on, dude. Let’s leave them alone and get you home, yeah?”_

_“But I haven’t had my drink with blondie, yet.”_

_Jinsol's about to give a trashing, but his friend (his thank-heavens-you-are-here-and-are-awesome friend) beat her to the punch. “And you never are. Come on.” He says, his voice taking on a more authoritative tone._

_Plaster-face groans and stands up petulantly. His friend gives him a little nudge as they move away but turns back quickly to the two, “I’m really sorry for everything. I’ll tell Jun to put this and your next round on my tab.”_

_“You don’t have to apologize, and you also don’t have to pay for our drinks. Just make sure he remembers everything he did tonight. Deal?”_

_“Oh, I, for sure, will.” He smiles. “You two have a nice night!”_

_“You too.” Smiles are exchanged, and he turns back to his friend and they exit the bar._

_A moment of silence hang between the two as they continue to stare at the now closed door. A few more seconds pass before Jinsol hears the other girl speak, “Well, that was interesting.”_

_Jinsol turns towards her. She’s still looking at the door. But it seems she’s sensed Jinsol's gaze, as she looks at Jinsol as well. “Thanks for the save.”_

_“Don’t mention it. It’s actually a very convenient excuse.” Jinsol answer._

_Her eyes widen, “Oh no, not you too!”_

_“You can’t blame me for trying.” Jinsol shrugs, but internally, she mocks yourself, ‘This is going so well!’_

_“So, who do I blame? Myself?” the girl asks, voice sounding a tad affronted._

_Jinsol raises her eyebrow at that, disbelief written on her face. “No,” she starts carefully, “I’m merely saying that anyone with eyes and a bit of sense in them will likely not pass up an opportunity to even just get close to you. How they do that – politely or… otherwise – is entirely up to them.”_

_She lets the compliment sink in, and her posture relaxes a bit. She leans back on her chair, “And what’s your approach?”_

_“Charmingly, of course.” Jinsol replies quickly, signature smile in full force._

_Her brow shoots up, “Charmingly, huh?” she stares at Jinsol, seemingly studying her, “I don’t see it.”_

_“Come now, we’re having such a nice exchange; why ruin it with a lie?”_

_“Awfully full of yourself, aren’t you?”_

_“Just enough. I prefer to share it, though. So you can be full of me later too.”_

_Her head tilts at that, and she gives out an open-mouthed smile, as though she wants to say something but just couldn’t. Instead, she shakes her head. But the radiant smile lighting up her face never fades._

_‘Now, THIS is going really well.’_

It feels like eras ago, the time when you two started.

_“So, this is me.” Jungeun says as she stops in front of her apartment building._

_“Quiet neighborhood,” Jinsol notes, “I guess I’m gonna have to be extra cautious when I break into your apartment.”_

_Jungeun gives her a dry look, but the smile tugging at her lips says Jinsol still hasn’t ruined it. “Just make sure not to trash it too much, okay?”_

_“I promise I’ll clean up after I’m done, Your Highness.”_

_Jungeun laughs, and damn if she’s not the most beautiful person in this world. Jinsol decides then that she wants everything to do with this angel that was sent down to Earth._

_“So…” Jinsol drawls, “can I break into your apartment tomorrow?” she asks before she loses all her guts (or all the air in her lungs, whichever comes first)._

_Jungeun looks at Jinsol, with her ethereal smile not wavering from her lips. “How about I save you the trouble and invite you in instead?”_

It feels like periods ago, the time when you two finally truly acknowledged your feelings.

_“It’s quite difficult to completely rely on someone – to not just keep everything to yourself – when all your life you’ve had to make it on your own. It’s difficult to bear the disappointment, especially from someone so special.”_

_“I understand that. But if you always think that way, then you’re just going to cloister yourself until you’re completely shut off from the world._

_“You have to start some time, somewhere, somehow. Why not start with me?”_

It feels like epochs ago, the time when you two affirmed the love you have forged.

_“I don’t deserve you.” Jungeun says as she watches Jinsol set the table while the food she's cooking simmers._

_“Of course you do.” Jinsol says, her brows furrowed a bit from Jungeun's statement. When Jungeun realizes that Jinsol's not going to move closer to her, she does it herself._

_“Yeah?” she asks, tucking a stray lock of hair behind Jinsol's ear, insecurity lacing her action._

_“Yes.” Jinsol replies, containing herself from kissing Jungeun, because Jinsol's still icky from all the cleaning up she did._

_Jungeun wraps her hands around Jinsol's neck though, but there was still hesitation in her movements, like she’s afraid Jinsol would reject her. “How then? How did I deserve you?”_

_“You decided I was worth it.”_

It feels like ages ago, the time when everything felt so easy.

_“What’ll you have?” Jungeun asks once she and Jinsol are seated._

_Jinsol gives her a shit-eating grin – one that is sure to give the Cheshire cat a run for his money. “You, naked and lying prone in my bed.”_

_Jungeun groans then gives Jinsol a pointed look. “Okay, no dinner for you.”_

_Jinsol laughs, thinking how easy Jungeun’s making this for her. “That’s alright. As long as I get to have your body underneath mine for dessert.”_

_Jungeun facepalms – literally. “God, you’re such a perv! An adolescent-geezer infusion who has excessive hormones kind of perv.”_

_“Yes, sweetheart, we’ve long established that, along with your hots for it,” Jinsol finishes with a saucy (salacious, really) wink._

_She sees Jungeun give up then; her shoulders sagging, her sigh heavy, and her head shaking. She pinches the bridge of her nose, “You’re insufferable.”_

_“Love you too, babe,” Jinsol retorts, blowing Jungeun a kiss before bolting out of her arm’s reach to order food at the counter._

They all seem so long ago, and you wonder what happened in between to lead to this moment.

_“Those moments in between, they creep up on you…” Jinsol says as she puts her bottle down._

_“Oh, come on, Sol,” Sooyoung slaps her shoulder lightly, “don’t be like that. You two will patch this up like you always do. You guys just need a breather.” She says before leaning back on her chair and chugging her beer._

_Jinsol shakes her head slowly. “Nope. This one is different.”_

_“Hey now, couples fight. It’s normal. Besides, you two are, like, so in love it’s disgusting. You guys will fix this in no time.” Sooyoung tries to joke to lighten up Jinsol's mood._

_“But that’s precisely the problem.” Jinsol tells Sooyoung, her wistful eyes shining from hard-fought unshed tears. “We’re trying to fix something that isn’t even broken.”_

So, now, you have to bear the consequences.

_“You know, that day when we first met in the bar, I’d actually been staring at her and working up the courage to approach her from the moment she entered. And when she exclaimed from plaster-face’s – that’s what I called the guy who kept bugging her – line so loudly, I thought to myself, ‘This is it.’_

_“And now, I’m thinking to myself again, ‘this is it.’_

_“I never thought that the statement that brought me so much happiness would also be the one that would bring me so much devastation.”_

“My Sky Princess,” Jinsol can’t help but say as she looks at Jungeun from across the room.

Jungeun gives her a slightly confused look, the one which makes her so damn adorable that Jinsol just acts on the urge to be closer to her like instinct. It serves to deepen her confusion, and Jinsol cups her cheeks to angle her face a bit higher, somehow forcing her rich brown eyes to meet Jinsol's earthly darker ones.

“So beautiful,” Jinsol whispers.

“So brilliant,” she continues, never breaking eye contact.

“So unattainable,” she drops her hands.

“Just like the sky that is always there, my princess is always here in my heart and in my head. Just like the sky that is way up there, my princess has got me, but gives only the illusion of herself being gotten.”

Jinsol takes Jungeun's hand and places a chaste kiss upon it, “I love you, Sky Princess.” Jinsol tells her, her eyes holding Jungeun's again.

Then Jinsol turns and walks away.

***

_“I want you back…”_

The statement hangs in the air around them as they sit on the hood of Jinsol's car, looking over the horizon.

‘I do too,’ Jinsol wants to say, but somehow, she can’t. So, instead, she asks, “Do you think they would ever let us be… in our quiet, unobtrusive love?”

“The day that happens is the day that we’re the only living beings left on this world.” Jungeun answers, wistful eyes shifting to where Jinsol's looking.

“Hmm, true.” Jinsol mumbles, still looking out to the view.

She feels Jungeun's stare shift back to her. She knows that Jungeun’s starting to get restless by the pointed disregard of her confession. But Jinsol can’t answer her… not yet.

Unfortunately, Jungeun’s not well-known for her patience, so she – as Jinsol has predicted early on – brings up the topic again. “So, what do you say?”

‘I want you back too.’ Jinsol itches to say, but again, she can’t. And for the second time, she provides a tangential answer. “You know, it makes an equal amount of sense to flip a coin, right now, to decide our next course of action.” She smiles, but it’s a tired one. It’s quick to falter, especially since she's directed her gaze towards Jungeun now.

“But we wouldn’t, would we? No. No, you deserve the most careful thought I’m capable of. Anything less would be a false testament of my feelings for you.”

“So, why can’t you just answer me?”

“I’m scared… of every choice, of every outcome.”

“Even me? You’re scared of being with me?”

Jinsol shakes her head profusely, “I’m scared I’d lose you again,” she says, meeting Jungeun's eyes.

“I want to be with you – more than anything – which is why I can’t lose you. Not again.”

And there it is. There is the answer. There is the nail to the coffin, which also pierces straight to Jinsol's heart.

She closes her eyes, wishing hard that everything would just go away – except for Jungeun; never Jungeun. But when Jinsol opens them, she sees through the blur clouding her vision that nothing has changed, that everything’s still in place. Alas, even a child’s power to make something cease to exist is flitting, never gaining permanence in effect and as an ability.

With a shaky sigh, Jinsol turns to face Jungeun; she turns to tell Jungeun what she’s been waiting for but is not expecting; she turns to tell Jungeun what Jinsol's been trying desperately to find a way around on.

“I can’t lose you again. So, if we stay as we are now, then that won’t have to happen.” Jinsol holds Jungeun's eyes with hers as she says it. She makes sure her gaze doesn’t stray from Jungeun's, even though it’s difficult (because Jinsol knows, despite her vision being clouded by the tears that are threatening to spill from her eyes, that Jungeun’s crying – crying because what Jinsol's about to say has dawned on her).

Jinsol owes her that, though. Jinsol owes Jungeun the suffering and the misery that Jinsol's feeling, _'because hers is your fault'_. So, despite the urge to go and comfort Jungeun pulling at Jinsol like gravity, she powers through and says it; says the thing that would finally bury the matter once and for all (along with Jinsol's heart and soul).

“I’d rather not have you than choose to be with the possibility of losing you.”


End file.
